Sometimes I have no idea how I got here.
Sometimes I get sucked into situations I have no business being in.
Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew and then smack myself in the forehead in regret and mutter “what was I thinking???” .
I do however, find some solace in thinking I’m not alone in this.
It’s funny, I’ve never aspired to be famous or a promoter of women in the outdoors or anything like that. I’m just a chick with a podcast and a blog that enjoys hunting and fishing and I just really like doing what I do.
I’m not “spokesperson”, “lady event coordinator” or “promoter of various events” material. I have no idea what possessed me to think that I was.
And I believe the reason I’m not any of those things is because when I do something, I give 110%. I give it everything to the detriment of everything else in my life. And unfortunately I think people know that and take advantage of that.
They see how many hits my website gets or how many subscribers my podcast gets or how many Facebook likes/Twitter followers I have and they know if they can just get their stuff in front of those people for free it would be better for them. Of course that’s advertising 101. The more people that see – the better chance they’ll buy. So they switch from assertive to aggressive to insistent. Unfortunately I have a hard time saying no.
And that’s something I definitely need to work on. The hunting life isn’t my entire world like it is for some people. It doesn’t consume my every waking moment; in fact, it’s not even more than half of my life. I have a full time job, a two hour a day commute, a horse and a husband, I love music and movies and wine and reading. This is a part time gig for me that I’ve constructed out of a hobby.
Hunting is a passion yes, but it’s a PASSION not a lifestyle. And those who do live this lifestyle tend to forget that not all of us do or even want to.
They just assume that you’re willing to give up weekends and take vacation days and give up family time to promote their products or services or events.
In the last 3 months I’ve had more than two dozen people/organizations crawl out of the woodwork asking me if I can help them promote their charity/service/event etc. and even when I initially said no to some of them, they just wouldn’t take no for an answer.
My husband has commented many times over the years that for the most part people in this industry will use you to get whatever they can out of you and never even blink at the fact that they are being complete jerkoffs about it.
Recently a lot of these feelings bubbled to the surface. I felt taken advantage of and used and I hate that feeling. But sometimes it’s the feeling like you just got punched in the face that gives you the wake up call you need.
Unfortunately I have no one to blame but myself for not being able to say “no”.
I just have to realize that I can’t do everything and that it’s ok to put my foot down and say no, even if it pisses someone off.
There are lots of organizations that promote getting women into the outdoors for the right reasons, not to make a profit but to genuinely provide a service. There are lots of websites that will sell you advertising for your product or charity instead of using mine for free when you’ve never once promoted my podcast.
I have always been a “I scratch your back, you scratch my back” kind of a gal and that is not always the case.
And thus I have to refocus. I have to drastically switch directions and get myself back on track, to find my footing on the road I want to be on. My podcast is what I love doing, if I didn’t love doing it I wouldn’t pour so much time, effort and money into it. But I’ve been neglecting it lately and I have no one to blame but myself.
So, here’s to a written commitment to myself that by the end of 2nd Quarter 2014, I’ll have turned everything completely around.